When you are on the right path, Satan can’t stand it. The Bible clearly says For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places Ephesians 6:12. Although it seems to our living-in-this-world self that everything is purely physical, there truly is a battle going on around us, and this weekend I felt the struggle of the battle.
First off if you don’t know I am doing a 40 day juice fast. Today is day 6…ugh not even a week yet! Saturday I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I was up for a couple of hours, did some dishes, made juice and was sitting down with Hubby to drink some, when all of a sudden I get this horrible headache out of nowhere. Then I get this over whelming sensation of nausea and I start to feel a bit dizzy. My first thought was “did the juice just do this to me?” I told Hubby how I was feeling and he suggested I lay down. Now just so you know I’m still very much a kid when it comes to “laying down” it’s like punishment! LOL I don’t know why, but I don’t take naps well either. But after a few minutes of trying to fight it, I went quietly to lay down. Hubby came to check on me several times and all I could do was respond how horribly I felt. My big dog Jack came and laid next to me and I was all warm and snugly, finally I fell asleep. I woke up a bit later to Hubby laying down next to me and fell asleep again. Virtually I slept most of Saturday away. I later figured out it was probably detox symptoms. Either way, when you don’t feel good generally you want to eat. My comfort food is macaroni and cheese, I grew up on Kraft what can I say!? I wanted so badly to just quit the stupid fast and feel better by eating something “solid.” Truth is I wouldn’t have felt better in the long run, I knew that deep inside.
After the day of napping, we were out of sweet produce (apples, pineapple, tomatoes) and needed to head to the store. I was feeling better so we loaded up the dogs in the van for a “ride” and headed to the store. I was weak and tired, I just wanted to get in and get out. Sometimes God‘s plans don’t match up to ours. We got out of the produce section, here is where I tell you Hubby is not doing the fast with me, and head over to grab something in the dairy section for Hubby. He has a bad back which is hurting and naturally doesn’t want to force himself while feeling bad to do the fast. I can’t say I blame him. We stop at one of those sample ladies, she starts telling us about the growth hormones in milk and we start chatting. The next thing I know Hubby (who is an extremely chatty person) was talking to this lady all about God and she was eating it up like sponge. She had recently starting going to church and basically said “you were meant to be here today, God sent you.” Here I was with a negative heart, tired and grumpy and I wanted to go home and God was using my sweet husband to reach this woman’s heart. She looked at me and said “you are so beautiful, your skin is radiating.” I felt nothing like that, but her spirit was so kind and sweet, and even before we left she reiterated to me how she thought I was beautiful. Thank you Lord, I needed that.
Sunday. No headache, no stomach ache, we are on a roll. I got out into the yard and did some weeding, moved some branches Hubby cut down and some friends showed up. They helped us with some yard work, brought us beautiful tomato and pepper plants for us to put in the ground. Then… my biggest temptation, it was time to barbecue. Listen up, my husband is the WORLDS BEST BARBECUE man! I am not joking, he really should try out for some kind of competition, he just has it down. He slow cooks everything over indirect heat, he has a pan of water for steam, he uses real mesquite wood to barbecue with, and everything comes out juicy and tender. AH, I’m starving. Our friends brought fish and freshly caught oysters to throw on the grill, seafood is one of my favorites! There I was alone in the kitchen preparing this lovely fish for them, getting truffle butter melted down with garlic to coat the fish with, the smells were intoxicating! Once the oysters were on, they wanted butter to dip the beauties in, so it was up to me again to prepare that for them. My gracious attitude was starting to fade. I was upset, I was hungry and I wanted just a bite of what they were eating. I prepared a couple portobello mushrooms for myself, we’ve fried them up before and they taste just like meat, so I was thinking this would work perfect. I added lemon, lime and garlic and it came off the grill, I sat down alone and took the first bite, it was burnt and nasty tasting, nothing like meat. My selfishness was starting to show, I could feel it welling up inside of me “but THEY get to eat!” It wasn’t about them, it’s about me and my desire to follow through with something. To finish something.
Later I started to really crave nuts. I thought, I did this fast for a week with nuts and by this time I was feeling wonderful, why not add nuts in? I truly gave it to God “Can I add nuts Lord?” A little while later I felt in my heart that I needed to finish this thing just as I started it. It’s not about comfort, it’s not about pleasure, it’s about faith. Faith that God will be faithful to me and heal my body with this fast, faith that Jesus fasted 40 days and was tempted by Satan himself and still didn’t give up, faith that I can finish this fast with grace and maybe some joy. It is easy to give up, the hard part is actually sticking with what you start.
This morning was another hard one. Hubby is doing very poorly with his back, he has no health insurance and no job and with one income we just can’t afford to send him to a doctor that wants $200-$800 upfront for a visit. I held that on my shoulders almost all day, guilty that I have health insurance sitting unused. Worry about an issue with the car and then I cut my finger chopping my morning juice veggies. The home phone we just got isn’t working and of course they will want money if the issue is on the inside of the house, Lord let it not be an expense to us! As Terri Clark once said “I’m an emotional girl” I finally broke down a few hours ago in the bathroom and cried. I couldn’t help it, that’s just the way God made me, a bit overly emotional.
Two sources today reminded me of this verse Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I was then led to read about Jesus fasting for 40 days in Matthew 4:2-4 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Then in verse 11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him. Jesus quoted scripture to the devil and he could not argue with that and then he LEFT Jesus. I love that.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!
- What is temptation (time2revive.wordpress.com)
- Jesus’ Temptation & Our Own (pastorreeder.wordpress.com)
- Fat Sick & Nearly Dead (virtuousgracious.wordpress.com)
- Juice Fast Day One, Pizza Broth, and Book Inspiration. (thevegetablecentrickitchen.com)