The past few weeks have been really rough at my job. Before I go on, I must say I am such a blessed woman to have a job, to have a good job and I am grateful for my job. I like to say how grateful I am about my job because I certainly don’t want God thinking I am ungrateful, I couldn’t make it without my job! That being said, my job is draining me to the core of my being. I don’t want to go into too many personal details but the issues are 50% my boss and 50% rude ungrateful people, not to mention that I loathe having to drive two hours a day to come to my job.
My mom used to always say “God makes you uncomfortable when it’s time to move” I have no idea where that saying comes from, but it does seem to ring true in my life. I am really starting to feel uncomfortable in my job, when I wake up I am starting to think “there has to be some kind of reason to call in sick,” this is never a good sign. I understand ups and downs. We have had them here, some how I just feel like this time is different, like maybe this is the time to really move on.
Yesterday after a particularly rough mental day at work I started looking at the jobs on craigslist. I do this a lot, my husband is in desperate need of work in our small town so I frequently check to see if there are new postings, but yesterday something happened… a job came up that could be perfect for me. This job is in our small town, I could ACTUALLY walk to work! This could save us a ton on gas each month, not to mention insurance because my daily commute would be like a mile, if I drive. Two issues stand in my way. The first is the job is in the dental field and I have been in medical for 11 years. The second is there was no pay listed on the ad, and I have pretty specific needs in this area because I am the main bread winner currently.
I sent off my resume and a cover letter via email with my specific pay requirements and I prayed the whole way home. God knows my specific needs, he knows where I will be next week or in a year from now. He knows how much our mortgage is and how much we need for utilities. Yet there is this part of me that wants to hold on to all control and believe I can do it all myself, I can’t. It seems that losing control is one of my worst fears, and yet something God wants us to do. He wants our trust and faith, he wants control to lead us to beautiful things he has planned for us. But in all I do it seems the lesson that comes out of it is that I want to be in control. There is a constant power struggle, and I always lose.
I am sure God is here whispering to me “Corri, let it go. I have you!” The song from JJ Heller listed above is one of my favorites because of how much it relates to my desire for constant control. It is in fact time I let it go. To trust in God’s divine plan for my life and trust that no matter if this job comes or I stay at my current one, I am resting softly and peacefully in the loving hands of my creator.
I’m taking a mental health day Friday, to recoup from all the stress around me the past few weeks here, to spend some time laughing instead of pulling my hair out, to hang out with a friend and his cute daughter, to kiss her as much as she lets me! I need a day away from my job to de-stress, to remember how much I am blessed and how sweet this life can be sometimes.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.