I am hungry, there is no doubt about it. I think about food most of the day, what I want, what I can’t have, what I wish I could… It doesn’t help that I work by a very popular outdoor mall, the smell of cooking food can be smelt all around my work. Even going for a walk you can smell the lovely hamburgers being cooked up, I’m salivating! If I’m totally honest with you, there have been several times in the past week that I was ready to throw in the towel for one bite. I haven’t, I’ve stayed strong but ONLY but God‘s grace. I don’t have much self-determination/control. I’ve been the one to quit thing when they get too hard rather than push through and finish what I started. I feel like this fast is pushing me to be different and better than I’ve given myself credit for. Don’t get me wrong, I have always wanted to be like those people who never quit and never give up but that has never come easy to me.
All I could think about yesterday was a cheese burger, and still today the thought is still there. I settled for the rest of my taco “meat” (aka walnuts see yesterday’s post for recipe) in a big salad with avocado, tomato, cilantro… a big raw taco salad. As Hubby and I stood in the kitchen praying over our dinner it struck me, God created the food we were about to eat, it wasn’t made in a lab, or in factory, it was grown and picked just as God provided it. So to truly give thanks for our food mean so much more because I was thanking God for providing the tomato and avocado and cilantro and walnuts. I wasn’t thanking God for providing Kraft or Nabisco. Somehow eating this way makes me really appreciate what God gave me and I can be so much more thankful for it.
The other thing that God mellowed my heart with is just the fact that when Jesus fasted he HUNGERED. I was listening to a sermon on my way to work and they were talking about the pain and suffering that Jesus went through for us. How when we go through something difficult we can be assured that Jesus too went through pain and difficulty. There is no way I could be nailed to a cross for the sins of everyone that hated me. No way. But the sermon reminded me that Jesus went through all of these “human” things because of his love for us. He was hated, persecuted, he hungered, and thirst, he even asked to have the cup he was about to endure to be taken from him… but not his will be done but God’s will. I would never want to serve any other god that doesn’t make themselves human and go through what we go through on a daily basis. That is love, it’s hard down here! But if Jesus could eat no food for 40 days and he hungered at the end, I can certainly drink juice and eat produce for another 26 days. Sometimes all we need is a change of prospective. I still hunger but 40 days isn’t the rest of my life, I will eat a burger again, I will have pasta again… but I can follow the foot prints of precious Jesus and finish this fast with some grace.