Feeds:
Posts
Comments

I wish you could see me now, I wish I could show you how I’m not who I was.  I used to be mad at you  A little on the hurt side too  But I’m not who I was, I found my way around to forgiving you Some time ago But I never got to tell you so.  I found us in a photograph I saw me and I had to laugh You know, I’m not who I was” –Brandon Heath

The words above are words to a song by Brandon Heath called I’m Not Who I was.  It’s a fairy popular song on contemporary Christian radio, but it really strikes a chord in my life.  See friendships have always been very important to me, they are deeply rooted relationships I don’t take lightly.  When I started dating Hubby, it wasn’t a popular decision in my group of friends or even my family.  I don’t like conflict so it became a huge weight on me during those years.  One of my best friends actually wrote me a “Dear John” email to end our friendship because of him.  I was heart-broken!  All I wanted was for everyone to get along, why couldn’t everyone see in Hubby what I saw?  Why would a friend end a very personal, very deep and long friendship over my choice in a boyfriend?  Why would it cause so much conflict with my family and why would I go months without speaking to my own Mom?

Sometimes we have to wait for answers in life… mine have finally come.  See after my last failed boyfriend (yes, I’ve had several) my Mom asked me if I had ever asked God to approve a boyfriend.  A strange request at the time to me, but I thought I hadn’t been doing my best on my own so why not.  I did.  When I met Hubby, I asked God and waited.  I remember the day I heard “yes,” I remember like it was yesterday, what I was doing, what I was watching… So I went forward with the relationship having no idea what was coming next.  I suppose when we are doing God’s will in life, Satan hates that and throws as many road blocks at us.  I’m actually surprised I managed through all of them.  There were times I would just cry and cry not understanding why we were the focus of so much gossip and drama.  My heart ached.

When I got the “Dear John” email from Alecia, it hurt deeper than anything I’d gone through.  Boyfriends sure, they come and go right? But friendships are supposed to last forever.  She had been with me through some of the darkest, hardest parts of my life and all of a sudden because of who I chose to date she no longer wanted to be my friend?  I was hurt and angry for a very long time.  I tried to be “Facebook friends” with her but that back fired when everyone in my family was invited to her wedding, everyone but me of course.  Now in all fairness she was marrying my sister-in-law’s brother, but that also made it worse!  I wrote her a note saying how I couldn’t be a distant viewer of her life and I wished her well and deleted her, and later deleted my whole Facebook account.

From time to time she passes my mind.  What is she doing?  How is she?  Is she happy?  What is new in her world?  Does she think of me?  No matter how much time passes, friendships are friendships and she made a lasting impression on my life.  Today I randomly searched her name and saw her Facebook photo, it looks like she and her husband now have a baby.  Then I go to thinking about this Brandon Heath song, and the lyrics really hit my heart… I’m not who I was.  The friendship was not meant to survive because of who God has been working to change me into.  She no longer fits into my life, as well as the other friends I lost during those years.  God was slowly removing the people from my life that were not going to be fitting anymore, and as painful as it was for me then, it helps me now.  She also isn’t who she use to be and at this point we probably wouldn’t have much in common anymore.  I didn’t understand why I went through all of that, but today I have a better grip on why God allowed some friends to leave and some to stay.  For example, one of my DEAREST friends in the world, Erin (Hi Erin!).  She and I used to be pretty different.  There were a few years in middle school I thought she was stuck up and didn’t want to be her friend.  But God knew what we would be going through in life and he allowed us to stay together and become close friends.  She is now the only friend I call when I have issues with my marriage or something I need a good solid Christian woman’s opinion about.  She has replaced that missing piece that I lost with some of those friends, and in such a better way!  I am blessed to have her as a friend.

As God transforms my life it is nice to be able to look back and see where I came from, and yes sometime reminisce about old friends and old paths.  But I am grateful for the path I am on.  I wish those who have left my life nothing but God’s grace and love.  I am good with them being gone now, they don’t fit in my life.  I’ve forgiven them and that has healed my heart a lot.  I am grateful I am not longer who I was, I am so much better now!

Colossians 3:13

Advertisements
Deep in thought.......... Separate from the re...

Deep in thought………. Separate from the remainder of the herd but with a wonderful view. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If this fast has been anything it has been eye-opening.  Not only am I blessed to share my experience with others, but God is really using it to change my views on things, particularly myself.  As God’s children we are not supposed to be so down on ourselves all the time, we are supposed to have the joy of the Lord.  Sometimes I feel like when I don’t have that joy I am doing something “wrong” and God isn’t blessing me.  I follow a particular ministry online and they did a video on The Cycles of Christian Growth, I realized as I was listening that I am not alone in my thinking.  Sometimes God uses the lower times to build us up to the higher times.

We ALL struggle with some form of self-worth.  Even people we consider “beautiful” admit to struggling with the thought of their fat thighs or round tummy.  This weekend God opened my eyes to some very interesting things…me and my constant struggle with my body.  See, I’ve pretty much always thought I was “fat.”  Even though I look back at photos of me in high school and I think “What was I thinking!?! I wasn’t fat!!”  But in my head I was.  That same mental block has been around my entire life, I can’t think of one time in my life where I thought I was ‘thin’ or ‘beautiful’ or whatever the world tells us we must be.  I don’t remember a single time!  Ugh there is something seriously wrong with that.

In a computer change over I lost all our photos prior to probably 2010.  This means all the memories from Florida, our drive back to Oregon, friends weddings, OUR wedding, our reception… all gone.  Hubby is a sweet man, he tells me his memories are in his heart and he doesn’t have to have a photo to remember those things.  I finally got over the “loss” and started to move on, we will make more memories I can document.  This weekend God showed me that these memories were not lost, I had a back up disc from 2008 and I had all the memories from our wedding on a Walgreens CD.  I was giddy as I started to load these old memories on the computer!  Hubby and I started to scroll through them and then…horror! (a little dramatic?lol)

There on the screen staring back at me was me, horribly over weight, so fat!  I have to tell you it came as quite a shock.  I didn’t know how big I actually was until looking back now, and in a different place in my own body.  Even the photos of Hubby… wow! We were some chubby folks!  As time got closer to 2009 and our wedding things slimmed down drastically but still not more than right now.  Looking back sometimes can really show you where you came from and how you are getting to where you are going.  God also showed me how we used to be and that life was not glorifying to God in any way shape or form.

After going through those photos I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself now.  I am not the same person, not physically, not spiritually, not anything… honestly I don’t know what kind of conversation that Corri and this Corri would even have.  There have been some times during this fast I have felt that maybe I was “cheating” because I was eating some nuts or beans or rice.  I can say honestly that if something made me feel guilty (corn bread comes to mind) I wouldn’t go near it.  Everything I have put in my mouth for the past 27 days I have felt good about, even if I was really craving a cheese burger.  I am really proud of where I have come from, and what God is transforming me into.  Not only physically but so deeply in my heart God is changing me from the inside out.

I plan on the final post about this fast to pull some of the “fat Corri” photos and post a little timeline from then to now.  My journey of before to after.  If only I could post photos of my heart changing… although I don’t know how much of the “before” I would like to share, now the after?  That is ALL God’s handy work and I am more than blessed to be changed by the hands that formed the world.

<iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/CFCi_UAmFS0&#8243; frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

Enjoy the Cycles of Christian Growth, I do hope you find the time to give it a listen.

 

AN OREGON PERSONALIZED LICENSE PLATE WITH THE ...

AN OREGON PERSONALIZED LICENSE PLATE WITH THE LETTERS “WET (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok so I’m sure I’m not one that “came up” with this idea and probably am not the only person to do this but it is a fun little game for the summer in the car.  I have an hour each way commute to work, ie two full hours (sometimes more when traffic is bad) on the road.  In the summer more people travel and I start to see license plates from all sorts of random states.  One year I got to thinking, I wonder if I see all 50 states?

The game started out pretty simple, I started keeping track of the states I saw on a piece of paper in the car.  I had hand scribbles of the states we saw, with numbers to count to see if we had 50.  But recently we have “upgraded” to a printed copy of all 50 state names where now I can simply check off the states as I see them.

Our rules are these: 1) you HAVE to be in the car for the plate to count.  For example I go for walks a lot at work and because of the mall near us there are always out-of-state plates, but they only count when I am in the car.  2) On semi trucks the trailer plate doesn’t count, it has to be the license plate on the front of the cab, we figured that was were they are really from anyway.

Last year I think we got every plate but West Virginia, and I have already seen that plate this year.  Might be a great year for the license plate game.  It’s silly but it keeps me occupied.  I enjoy seeing out-of-state plates and dreaming of places I’ve never seen.

I have additional game “boards” (ie the names of the 50 states on a printed piece of paper) in the car for more years.  I suspect I will use the board more than once, maybe changing ink color for next year.  I also write down the month I start the game so I once I get all 50 states I know how long it took.  😀

For those in different countries, I suspect you can do the same but of course you’ll have to figure out your variation of the plate game.  Kind of fun, and dorky too… but I will never deny being a bit dorky. 😉

Happy Friday All!

Assorted bell pepper fruits from Mexico

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In 2006 I moved with my Hubby (then boyfriend) to Florida.  His boss was Brazilian and thus we hung out with a lot of Brazilians.  I tell you what they have some of the best BBQ and food around!  They buy large “slabs” of meat and cook it up and cut it there right off the grill, everyone sort of gathers around to munch on the meat.   I learned a really simple dish from the boss’ wife, because of the language barrier we lovingly started calling it Brazilian Rice.

The first thing that she did was fry/brown the rice.  I had done that with rice-a-roni before but never in just making homemade boiled rice, although I confess most of my rice experience growing up was instant rice.  After the rice is brown then you add your water, bring to a boil and cover.

Chop up like making salsa: tomatoes, onion, garlic, green/red bell peppers, cilantro and then season with allspice and salt.

THAT IS IT!  Once the rice is done then you add the fresh ‘salsa’ on top of the rice and enjoy.  I tell you what the fresh food on top of the rice really pops in your mouth.

I used to make this all the time but over the years I have stopped, but I never stopped thinking about it.  I often wonder if I forgot a spice or two or even some vegetable (lemon or lime maybe?).  I’ve done internet searches to see if I could figure out the real name, but no… so alas we have Brazilian Rice ala Florida. 😀

 

Today is day 23, down another pound, feeling great, clothes are fitting better, energy is high.  I do admit there is still hunger, something about juice just doesn’t make our minds think we are full.  I know I’m getting all the nutrition I need, I am seeing the “glow” in my skin now.  Although I am ready to get back to a semi normal life.  I crave a cheese burger pretty much daily, so I know when I am done there will be a burger in my future!  Almost two weeks left, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!

 

19 days to go!  I’m the first one to admit I haven’t been perfect every day.  The juice fast has slowly morphed into a raw/vegan “fast.”  I do not eat every day or every meal, I just have had some things like beans and rice and nuts.  I still feel amazing and don’t feel like I’m “cheating.”  I made Hubby some corn bread and some cookies, I tried really hard to justify eating them but resisted.  Once I started to eat a little food I found myself trying to justify other things, but I didn’t eat them, I actually felt guilty and thus I knew I needed to not eat them.

I am a cheese-a-holic.  I just love that creamy goodness!  I always have, probably always will.  I’m thinking a lot about my food choices lately and dairy is one I need to address.  When I was a baby my Mom told me that I could not tolerate dairy and she had to give me and my brother goats milk.  For some reason, that “changed” but I don’t think it really did.  I think we didn’t have as many signs (diaper rash etc) when we got older and cows milk is readily available in the grocery store.  My Mom was a single Mom just trying to get by with two kids.  It was the 80’s and her child support was really small and she was not allowed food stamps because she owned a home.  Basically the state said they would help if she sold the only house we’d ever known and move us to a small cramped apartment.  My Mom said “I don’t need your help then.”  We just made things work.  I don’t fault my Mom for being poor, but I don’t think we should have had milk.  So I grew up on milk and dairy and loved every minute of it. 😉  A ND I saw for several years did a “food intolerance test” on me, I say it with quotations because I’m not exactly sure how she “tested” me because it wasn’t a send away to a lab type of thing.  In whatever she did she said I should not have dairy and I should not have fruit and sugar together or within 8 hours of each other.  When I tried to follow that in the past I failed miserably, how could one give up dairy and sugar!?

I bought a raw food cookbook a couple of years ago and tried a raw mac & cheese.  It was horrible.  I don’t know what I was expecting but I didn’t get it.  I put the cookbook on a shelf and forgot about it.  Then this whole juicing thing and Fat Sick and Nearly Dead… my taste buds have changed and I have been eating raw food, a lot of raw food.  I’ve tried some raw tacos that are out of this world good and once one thing went well I tried for more.  This weekend I made some raw “cheese” and coming from a cheese-a-holic, trust me this stuff is GOOD!  Even Hubby said he could give up real cheese for this nut cheese.

I searched all over for a recipe.  I’m a simple girl who doesn’t like to buy extra stuff to make things.  That is one of my pet peeves about recipes, seriously who has pimentos or capers just lying around to use one time in a recipe?  Not this girl and I’m certainly not going to buy them just to make something.  So I found a recipe on youtube and modified it.

Using my magic bullet blender (this didn’t do well, you really need a high-speed blender or food processor.  My birthday is next month and I’m asking for a food processor!) I added 1/2 c of soaked cashews, 1/4 c Brewers Yeast (most recipes call for nutritional yeast, we have brewers so I used that) and 1-2 TBSP of olive oil.  I did that, blended and it was pretty plain.  The girl in the video said you could add some Miso to it to give it a sharp “cheesy” flavor.  At the store buying groceries I picked up some Miso, so I added probably 1-2 TBSP, but it was kind of taste as you go type of thing.  Then I added some lemon juice (again to taste but probably 1-2 TBSP) and blended.  It was a brown paste.  It did NOT look like cheese but this stuff tastes like cheese!  Hubby and I couldn’t get enough.  You get the fat that you are craving with cheese, it’s rich in flavor, and we put them on some homemade pulp crackers.

I got a pulp cracker recipe from Hallelujah Acres’ website.  It’s called Pulp Fixin’ Bread and here is the recipe:

  • 2 cups pulp from juicing
  • ½ cup almond pulp (optional – great use of pulp from homemade almond milk)
  • ¼ cup flax seeds
  • 1 clove garlic
  • ¼ cup nutritional yeast
  • ¼ to ½ cup sesame oil or olive oil (use more if mixture is too thick)
  • 1½ Tbsp tamari
  • 1 cup water or almond milk
  • ½ tsp salt

You blend everything until smooth then put on your food dehydrator (or in an oven) they suggest 125 degrees for 8 hours.  I modified the recipe it a bit.  I didn’t use almond pulp, the nutritional yeast was brewers yeast and the tamari we used some Braggs Amino Acids.  My poor magic bullet REALLY got a workout.  I had to do this in sections and they say if you add too much water the crackers will be leathery.  So I would put some pulp in my container blend, put it in a bowl and repeat until I was done with my pulp.  I just added more oil  and water to help blend easier.  We used some parchment paper/freezer paper to line our dehydrator and let it go over night.  The next morning they were crisp and crackery!  Top them with some raw cashew nut cheese and you have some amazing cheese and crackers!!  Hubby like them!  He even asked me to make more. 😀  He’s my “Mikey likes it” test, if Hubby says it’s good then it’s good, he doesn’t lie when it comes to good cooking.  If it’s bad he will tell you so. LOL

Two more Monday’s then I’m done!  I will not be a solely raw vegan, but I will base probably 80% of my diet that way.  I have some shrimp in my freezer calling my name! 😀

 

 

I was taking out the trash at work a few minutes ago and when I went to grab mine out of my office, I noticed it felt so light.  I looked in and all there was in there were lime peels and avocado peels, it was so satisfying.  No wrappers from a burger I might have had for lunch, or cheese and crackers… it was just produce.  It was a nice change.

So I met a goal, ok I’m exactly 0.4 lbs away from being under 200 lbs!  Since I got off the “meds” my old ND had me on, I’ve pretty much stayed steady at 215 to 220 lbs.  Even though I eat much more healthy than anyone else I know, I still stayed there.  HOWEVER, it’s time to celebrate!  Goodbye to those nasty pounds that are now gone!  I’m down 15 lbs and the numbers continue to fall.  Praise GOD!!

I have had some heated food this week, still all plant-based.  Morrell mushrooms were a special treat for me.  This weekend I also plan on having some homemade beans on some homemade non-gmo corn tortillas (which is just corn & water) with tons of fresh produce on top, no cheese.  In fact, I’m pretty sure dairy is going to be out for me after this whole experience.  I’m 99.9% sure my body can’t process dairy correctly.  I also plan on staying away from sugar.  Not in its natural forms, I will still consume honey and maple syrup and DATES especially, but cane sugar is out.  Although I will still need to buy it for my kefir water. Does anyone have a good source of cheap organic dates?  Please share with me if you do!

Last but not least… I noticed for a few nights that I had the WORST trouble falling asleep then didn’t get much sleep.  I chalked it up to Hubby not being there that night, but it happened again when he got back.  So I got this wild idea that maybe I had too much energy and I wasn’t spending enough of it.  Yesterday I went on a long walk at work (my boss believes in health and offers us time to go walk or run or whatever) and went home and slept like a baby.  So even though I get home and FEEL tired I do have to push myself to workout daily to burn off this excess fat and energy.

That’s my news.  I’m pretty happy with the results.  My moods are the biggest change and I feel even and more in “control” and less like a crazy person with crazy emotions trapped in a body I can’t control.  God is good to me!

Me in 2009 with my Gramps 😀

From what I hear, it’s “cold” in Oregon.  I’m so used to the weather here I don’t notice, but compared to the humidity of Florida… I can see how it’s “cold.”  We have had some really amazing days.  Hubby and I are excited to be experiencing our yard and trees for the first time.  Now that everything has bloomed we are ready for the fruit to come!  We have a plum tree and SEVERAL cherry trees, we are really big on canning, dehydrating and freezing food for later use and it looks like God has provided us with some amazing food this year.

This cherry tree doesn’t seem to be producing fruit anymore.  We had that happen at a rental house with a plum tree, however after our garden, plenty of chicken and bunny poo, that plum tree started to produce again! Maybe we’ll be blessed with this cherry tree and it will do the same.

Praying for some plums!

Jack playing in the creek.  He LOVES his ball!

Jack & Lyla in the creek.  She wouldn’t go near the water when we first got her, she has come a LONG way!

Can you tell I love my dogs? He’s just so handsome!

She is certainly “my” dog.  She is a blessing!

One of our desires in our house was to have a creek, God provided everything we asked for!

Hubby went to visit his Grandma for her birthday.  She lives in the Columbia Gorge (one of the most amazing places on earth!) he came home with mushrooms!  Here are some coral mushrooms he picked up.  He made some Chinese food with these last year, looking forward to that again!

He also came home with fresh Morrells! We enjoyed them last night, and they were SOOOO tasty! Yay for mushroom season!  I love spring in Oregon!