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Posts Tagged ‘Christ’

When you are on the right path, Satan can’t stand it.  The Bible clearly says For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places Ephesians 6:12.  Although it seems to our living-in-this-world self that everything is purely physical, there truly is a battle going on around us, and this weekend I felt the struggle of the battle.

First off if you don’t know I am doing a 40 day juice fast.  Today is day 6…ugh not even a week yet!  Saturday I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day.  I was up for a couple of hours, did some dishes, made juice and was sitting down with Hubby to drink some, when all of a sudden I get this horrible headache out of nowhere.  Then I get this over whelming sensation of nausea and I start to feel a bit dizzy.  My first thought was “did the juice just do this to me?”  I told Hubby how I was feeling and he suggested I lay down.  Now just so you know I’m still very much a kid when it comes to “laying down” it’s like punishment!  LOL I don’t know why, but I don’t take naps well either.   But after a few minutes of trying to fight it, I went quietly to lay down.  Hubby came to check on me several times and all I could do was respond how horribly I felt.  My big dog Jack came and laid next to me and I was all warm and snugly, finally I fell asleep.  I woke up a bit later to Hubby laying down next to me and fell asleep again.  Virtually I slept most of Saturday away.  I later figured out it was probably detox symptoms.  Either way, when you don’t feel good generally you want to eat.  My comfort food is macaroni and cheese, I grew up on Kraft what can I say!? I wanted so badly to just quit the stupid fast and feel better by eating something “solid.”  Truth is I wouldn’t have felt better in the long run, I knew that deep inside.

After the day of napping, we were out of sweet produce (apples, pineapple, tomatoes) and needed to head to the store.  I was feeling better so we loaded up the dogs in the van for a “ride” and headed to the store.  I was weak and tired, I just wanted to get in and get out.  Sometimes God‘s plans don’t match up to ours.  We got out of the produce section, here is where I tell you Hubby is not doing the fast with me, and head over to grab something in the dairy section for Hubby.  He has a bad back which is hurting and naturally doesn’t want to force himself while feeling bad to do the fast.  I can’t say I blame him.  We stop at one of those sample ladies, she starts telling us about the growth hormones in milk and we start chatting.  The next thing I know Hubby (who is an extremely chatty person) was talking to this lady all about God and she was eating it up like sponge.  She had recently starting going to church and basically said “you were meant to be here today, God sent you.”  Here I was with a negative heart, tired and grumpy and I wanted to go home and God was using my sweet husband to reach this woman’s heart.  She looked at me and said “you are so beautiful, your skin is radiating.”  I felt nothing like that, but her spirit was so kind and sweet, and even before we left she reiterated to me how she thought I was beautiful.  Thank you Lord, I needed that.

Sunday.  No headache, no stomach ache, we are on a roll.  I got out into the yard and did some weeding, moved some branches Hubby cut down and some friends showed up.  They helped us with some yard work, brought us beautiful tomato and pepper plants for us to put in the ground.  Then… my biggest temptation, it was time to barbecue.  Listen up, my husband is the WORLDS BEST BARBECUE man!  I am not joking, he really should try out for some kind of competition, he just has it down.  He slow cooks everything over indirect heat, he has a pan of water for steam, he uses real mesquite wood to barbecue with, and everything comes out juicy and tender.  AH, I’m starving. 😉  Our friends brought fish and freshly caught oysters to throw on the grill, seafood is one of my favorites!  There I was alone in the kitchen preparing this lovely fish for them, getting truffle butter melted down with garlic to coat the fish with, the smells were intoxicating!  Once the oysters were on, they wanted butter to dip the beauties in, so it was up to me again to prepare that for them.  My gracious attitude was starting to fade.  I was upset, I was hungry and I wanted just a bite of what they were eating.  I prepared a couple portobello mushrooms for myself, we’ve fried them up before and they taste just like meat, so I was thinking this would work perfect.  I added lemon, lime and garlic and it came off the grill, I sat down alone and took the first bite, it was burnt and nasty tasting, nothing like meat.   My selfishness was starting to show, I could feel it welling up inside of me “but THEY get to eat!”  It wasn’t about them, it’s about me and my desire to follow through with something.  To finish something.

Later I started to really crave nuts.  I thought, I did this fast for a week with nuts and by this time I was feeling wonderful, why not add nuts in?  I truly gave it to God “Can I add nuts Lord?”  A little while later I felt in my heart that I needed to finish this thing just as I started it.  It’s not about comfort, it’s not about pleasure, it’s about faith.   Faith that God will be faithful to me and heal my body with this fast, faith that Jesus fasted 40 days and was tempted by Satan himself and still didn’t give up, faith that I can finish this fast with grace and maybe some joy.  It is easy to give up, the hard part is actually sticking with what you start.

This morning was another hard one.  Hubby is doing very poorly with his back, he has no health insurance and no job and with one income we just can’t afford to send him to a doctor that wants $200-$800 upfront for a visit.  I held that on my shoulders almost all day, guilty that I have health insurance sitting unused.  Worry about an issue with the car and then I cut my finger chopping my morning juice veggies.  The home phone we just got isn’t working and of course they will want money if the issue is on the inside of the house, Lord let it not be an expense to us!  As Terri Clark once said “I’m an emotional girl” I finally broke down a few hours ago in the bathroom and cried.  I couldn’t help it, that’s just the way God made me, a bit overly emotional.

Two sources today reminded me of this verse Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I was then led to read about Jesus fasting for 40 days in Matthew 4:2-4 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.  But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.  Then in verse 11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.  Jesus quoted scripture to the devil and he could not argue with that and then he LEFT Jesus.  I love that.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!

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Yesterday was a particularly hard day, it seems after I wrote my blog yesterday I was wearing a bull’s eye on my back, prime target for the enemy to prove just how human I really am.  I am sorry to say, it worked… I failed.  In my pain after the failure I opened my Bible.  Often times God does reveal to me a verse that speaks to me.  I wasn’t really prepared for what I read though.  2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Thud.  That was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.  I mean I was in the perfect place to receive this verse.  Broken hearted from failing to listen, AGAIN, and yet God was telling me that His strength was made perfect in my weakness.

I don’t claim to have all the answers.  I am a sinful human just like everyone else.  I make mistakes and boy do they hurt sometimes.  But hearing God tell me that His strength is there for me when I am weak, it was all I needed to hear.  Did it solve my problems? No.  Was the issue over and forgotten? No.  What did happen was that peace that passes ALL understanding came to me and I felt “better” not perfect but better.  He removed the unbearable weight I felt, He wiped my tears.  Does He ever do that for you?  I’m a pretty emotional girl and tears sometimes come a bit more freely than I wish them to, but when I open God’s word and read it and ask Him to help me in a situation, I find that I can’t cry anymore.  He actually takes the tears from me.

The issues I caused are not resolved and done, I caused damage that only God can heal.  I have asked Him to heal those things and I feel like He said he would.  He has done some amazing healing in my life, I can’t deny God is there.  Today I brought two books with me to work, my Bible and a book called The Excellent Wife.  I pray they both encourage me and help me become better at what I fail at so much.

 

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My problems are very small, compared to some.  I live in a house, I have both legs, arms and eyes.  I have heat and food and I breathe just fine.  I am in relatively good health with a wonderful husband and two fun dogs, family and friends.  But I want to be a Mom.  I want to be a Mom so badly that I can taste it sometimes.  It just doesn’t happen for me.  I’m in a funk today, I just took a pregnancy test and again the results were the same…no.  I know that God has perfect timing for everything but sometimes I do wonder if his answer to this is always going to be no.  I am sorry this post is not my normal, but I really needed to get these feelings out.

I keep watching my friends have beautiful children.  I watch, longing for what they have and yet to be jealous isn’t right either.  It crushes my heart every time I hear this beautiful news come to a friend of mine.  I wonder how many baby blankets I will make for others and if I will ever make one for myself.  Reality grips me, what a horrible time to have a child right now.  With my income being the main one, and now being unsure if my boss will even keep the doors open, why would I be so sad today seeing only one line show up on that stupid test?!?

I can’t help that my heart desires this.  God told us to multiply and fill the earth.  I have always wanted to be a Mommy and what an amazing Daddy my sweet hubby would make!  I have fertility issues, and it will only be by God’s grace that we have a child.  But why do I have to FEEL like I’m pregnant?!  Why do I have to have the nausea, the swollen and tender breasts?  Why can’t my period just come like normal and leave like normal?  I am so tired of thinking “this HAS to be it, this time!”  That is a crushing blow…I mean I could have sworn…

I turn back to the Building 429 song, Not Where I Belong.  I know this isn’t my home and these tears are only temporary.  Christ will wipe them away once and for all one day, and I know he’ll wipe them away now too, I just can’t help but be disappointed.  This world isn’t fair, it will never be fair and I just have to have that blessed assurance holding me.  “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong.  Take this world and give me Jesus.  This is not where I belong.”  I know I’m feeling “poor me” right now.  In fact I’m very glad that I am alone because I can’t really understand myself why I’m so sad for something I’ve never had.  Logic just doesn’t come to play here.  I’ll never lose this desire to be a Mom, and I think I need to come to grips with the fact that I may never have the desire fulfilled.  God’s path for every woman is not always Motherhood.  Although look at Sarah… I know I serve a very strong and powerful God who can do whatever He wants, sometime I wish I had a little insight on the future, but then where would the gift come from?

So I’m going to go back to listening to Building 429, maybe cry a little more, then let God heal my broken heart.

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Building 429 has a song out called Where I Belong the lyrics are “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong.  Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong.”  These words resonate in my heart with all that is going on in life.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in the poor me attitude, but truthfully this is not our home, this isn’t where we belong.  We are passing through this life, one day we will be with Christ and his believers.  Nothing here will remain, this earth will be destroyed and a new heaven and earth will come.  Sin will become a thing of the past.  What a glorious day that will be!!

We just bought our first home, so it’s easy to get wrapped up in things of this earth.  You want to fill up your house, you want to buy things for your yard, stuff stuff and more stuff.  When spiritual warfare happens though, you are reminded that we are not of this world.  God set us apart to be different and to not be conformed to this world.  We are not to put our faith into things here.  As the old saying goes…No one drives up to heaven in a U-haul.

Are we living apart from this world?  Are we showing the world that material things don’t define us?  That family heirloom you treasure will be destroyed, your favorite CD will be gone, your dog and cat, your house and car.  We will not even hold on to these earthly bodies, which I am very happy about.  The only thing that will matter in the end is your relationship with Christ.  This isn’t our home and we shouldn’t get too comfortable here.

So when the world treats us like we are outsiders, maybe we should be rejoicing more.  Truthfully we are outsiders.  It doesn’t feel good to be treated differently.  It hurts my heart when someone uses my faith against me, but we are not to be conformed to this world or we will have the same fate as the world.  I am not perfect.  I get wrapped up in the world.  These things hurt me and I want to conform to “fit in” sometimes.  But there are gentile reminders to us that this is not the place for us.  The Lord will make all right in the end, just wait patiently on him.

Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong.

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Matthew 10:22 packs a punch, “And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake,”  but then a bit of peace comes from Jesus: “but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. ”  Who wants to be hated just because they believe in Jesus?  But this does seem to be the case most of the time doesn’t it?  Have you ever had someone use your belief in Christ against you?  As if this is a bad thing?  Christ preached love, to love those who hate you, to turn your cheek when someone hits you, why would he be hated so much?  I suspect because he was the son of the living God, because everything he spoke was truth and evil hates truth.

This seems to be the case in my life right now.  I am being called out because I am a Christian by family.  My husband is being called out for being a Christian by friends.  Things like “where is your Christian forgiveness?” and “Christians molested and raped kids.”  These things are hard to hear, we are being treated like horrible people for loving God and believing in Christ’s truth.  I never thought it would “happen to me” but here it is, plain as day and as hurtful as a knife cut.  How does one get through these times in life?  The word of God.

I have been feeling a lot of pull to read some books from people who have amazing strength and faith.  A while back I read Corrie Ten Boom‘s The Hiding Place, it is an amazing book about God’s faithfulness in the most horrible place on earth, a Nazi concentration camp.  God provided medicine that would not run out, he protected her bible though MANY searches by Nazi guards, how she was released from the concentration camp after a clerical error, which she knew was God’s providence just a week before all the woman of her age were killed .  She also watched her sister die and learned of her elderly father’s death in concentration camps, all for helping God’s people to hide from the horrible things happening to them.  Corrie Ten Boom’s faith is AMAZING!  I wish I could have half that faith.  I have started reading Tramp For The Lord also by Corrie Ten Boom.  She is confronted after a talk she gave by a guard that she remembered from the concentration camp, this guard came up to her and told her that he was a guard at the camp Corrie and her sister were held at, also the camp where her sister lost her earthly life.  When the guard told her he had become a Christian since then and asked her to forgive him, she couldn’t.  She stood there frozen and had to pray for God to release her heart from being so angry.  Finally with that prayer she was able to forgive him.  Can you imagine it!?  Forgiving something so horrible, but that is what we are called to do.  I guess that is why Jesus told us:  Bless them that curse you, and pray for them who despitefully use you. Luke 6:28

So when we are hated we should rejoice, we are making the enemy squirm.  Jesus told us this would happen.  Why would we not be persecuted if our savior was?  So rejoice family in Christ!  Even when you want to cry.

If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.  If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.  Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.  John 15:18-20

God is faithful until the end, and will over see justice, we just have to wait a bit for it.  When I’ve been weak I just pray out loud and command in the name of Jesus for any evil to leave.  There is a power in speaking the words of God remember: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 Things that “feel” like they are coming from this world aren’t.  We aren’t fighting a physical battle but a spiritual one.  And God prevails in the end and we will see our Savior coming in the clouds, once and for all.  Amen!  So let the hate come, let the persecution come, will it be easy? no.  But with God all things are possible, and he promised if we endure until the end, we will be saved.

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