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Posts Tagged ‘God’

I am hungry, there is no doubt about it.  I think about food most of the day, what I want, what I can’t have, what I wish I could…   It doesn’t help that I work by a very popular outdoor mall, the smell of cooking food can be smelt all around my work.  Even going for a walk you can smell the lovely hamburgers being cooked up, I’m salivating!  If I’m totally honest with you, there have been several times in the past week that I was ready to throw in the towel for one bite.  I haven’t, I’ve stayed strong but ONLY but God‘s grace.  I don’t have much self-determination/control.  I’ve been the one to quit thing when they get too hard rather than push through and finish what I started.  I feel like this fast is pushing me to be different and better than I’ve given myself credit for. Don’t get me wrong, I have always wanted to be like those people who never quit and never give up but that has never come easy to me.

All I could think about yesterday was a cheese burger, and still today the thought is still there.  I settled for the rest of my taco “meat” (aka walnuts see yesterday’s post for recipe) in a big salad with avocado, tomato, cilantro… a big raw taco salad.  As Hubby and I stood in the kitchen praying over our dinner it struck me, God created the food we were about to eat, it wasn’t made in a lab, or in factory, it was grown and picked just as God provided it.  So to truly give thanks for our food mean so much more because I was thanking God for providing the tomato and avocado and cilantro and walnuts.  I wasn’t thanking God for providing Kraft or Nabisco.  Somehow eating this way makes me really appreciate what God gave me and I can be so much more thankful for it.

The other thing that God mellowed my heart with is just the fact that when Jesus fasted he HUNGERED.  I was listening to a sermon on my way to work and they were talking about the pain and suffering that Jesus went through for us.  How when we go through something difficult we can be assured that Jesus too went through pain and difficulty.  There is no way I could be nailed to a cross for the sins of everyone that hated me.  No way.  But the sermon reminded me that Jesus went through all of these “human” things because of his love for us.  He was hated, persecuted, he hungered, and thirst,  he even asked to have the cup he was about to endure to be taken from him… but not his will be done but God’s will.  I would never want to serve any other god that doesn’t make themselves human and go through what we go through on a daily basis.  That is love, it’s hard down here!  But if Jesus could eat no food for 40 days and he hungered at the end, I can certainly drink juice and eat produce for another 26 days.  Sometimes all we need is a change of prospective.  I still hunger but 40 days isn’t the rest of my life, I will eat a burger again, I will have pasta again… but I can follow the foot prints of precious Jesus and finish this fast with some grace.

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Most of us have some clothes somewhere that are only in our closets to wear “when I lose some weight.”  Since I struggle with PCOS, I struggle with weight issues.  Not everyone with PCOS has weight issues but everyone I’ve met so far do and I’m not the exception to that rule.  Even though I eat really healthy and avoid fast food, I still struggle with it.  Until now I haven’t lost weight since I was seeing a naturalpathic doctor, who was going to “heal” me.  I was on some “medicine” with her that worked to help me lose weight but didn’t change any other of my symptoms, when I got off that said “medicine” I gained all the weight I lost back.

I only have a certain amount of work pants.  When I gained my weight back I struggled to fit into a pair that didn’t have an elastic waist, those and a few shirts became too snug, so into the top of my closet they went.  Friday I got home and was feeling kind of “thin.”  I got this hair to go try on those non-elastic waist pants and guess what? They fit!! (And quite nicely I might add)  I went into where Hubby was and did a little happy dance for him.  😀  Today I’m proudly wearing those pants.  It feels SO good to finally fit into them again! PRAISE GOD!!

I also went off the beaten path a bit this weekend, I made some raw tacos.  Hubby really enjoyed them although he thinks the “meat” should be warmed.  This is a great recipe for us here, we have TONS of walnut trees around us.  I am all about harvesting what God gave us rather than having to buy something extra, so this could save us some money, and they are tasty.  Hubby even thought I should run one over to the neighbor to see if they could tell there was no real meat in it, but I didn’t.  Maybe next time I make them!

Raw Tacos:

2 cups soaked  raw walnuts (soak over night or 24 hours)
1 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp paprika
1 tsp salt
1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp black pepper
3-4 tbsp hemp seed oil OR cold pressed olive oil

You blend (or food process, I only have a magic bullet so I used that) all ingredients.  I did the walnuts separately then added everything to a bowl and added my spices etc.  Make some homemade guacamole, and any garnishes that you normally like on your tacos.  Take a leaf of lettuce put down a layer of guacamole, then some of the walnut “meat” and then your toppings.  Fold up your lettuce like a taco and enjoy!  I promise you, you won’t know there is not any meat in these either, they are surprisingly good!

Today is day 13 of 40 of my juice fast.  As you can see I got board with only juice and have included some raw food into my diet.  I don’t do this everyday but as little treats and to feel a bit normal.  I am still feeling great, still losing weight and happy with my journey so far.  God is really working in my life and I am so grateful.

 

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Hallelujah!  Yesterday was the turn around day for me.  My energy levels are going up, my moods again are leveling out, and my waist is shrinking!  When I began juicing (not fasting but juicing daily) I weighed myself, that was March 26th.  Since then I have lost 11lb!  Most of the weight loss has been during this fast.  I’m 4lb away from a major goal and once I reach it I will share more.  😀 Suspense. LOL

I am still very much under attack though, yesterday was a very difficult day emotionally.  However, I turned my eyes on God and honestly He pulled me through it.  What would have been much more difficult ended up being easy to slide off my back.  I noticed a MAJOR change in my attitude and emotional state.  I am much more calm.  I enjoy being calm!

Today I put on a pair of pants for work and I used to have a nice little muffin top hanging over the top, guess what? That muffin is gone!  The pants fit amazingly, I can’t wait until they are too big. 🙂  God is good to me.  I’m so grateful for what he is doing in my life.

 

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When you are on the right path, Satan can’t stand it.  The Bible clearly says For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places Ephesians 6:12.  Although it seems to our living-in-this-world self that everything is purely physical, there truly is a battle going on around us, and this weekend I felt the struggle of the battle.

First off if you don’t know I am doing a 40 day juice fast.  Today is day 6…ugh not even a week yet!  Saturday I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day.  I was up for a couple of hours, did some dishes, made juice and was sitting down with Hubby to drink some, when all of a sudden I get this horrible headache out of nowhere.  Then I get this over whelming sensation of nausea and I start to feel a bit dizzy.  My first thought was “did the juice just do this to me?”  I told Hubby how I was feeling and he suggested I lay down.  Now just so you know I’m still very much a kid when it comes to “laying down” it’s like punishment!  LOL I don’t know why, but I don’t take naps well either.   But after a few minutes of trying to fight it, I went quietly to lay down.  Hubby came to check on me several times and all I could do was respond how horribly I felt.  My big dog Jack came and laid next to me and I was all warm and snugly, finally I fell asleep.  I woke up a bit later to Hubby laying down next to me and fell asleep again.  Virtually I slept most of Saturday away.  I later figured out it was probably detox symptoms.  Either way, when you don’t feel good generally you want to eat.  My comfort food is macaroni and cheese, I grew up on Kraft what can I say!? I wanted so badly to just quit the stupid fast and feel better by eating something “solid.”  Truth is I wouldn’t have felt better in the long run, I knew that deep inside.

After the day of napping, we were out of sweet produce (apples, pineapple, tomatoes) and needed to head to the store.  I was feeling better so we loaded up the dogs in the van for a “ride” and headed to the store.  I was weak and tired, I just wanted to get in and get out.  Sometimes God‘s plans don’t match up to ours.  We got out of the produce section, here is where I tell you Hubby is not doing the fast with me, and head over to grab something in the dairy section for Hubby.  He has a bad back which is hurting and naturally doesn’t want to force himself while feeling bad to do the fast.  I can’t say I blame him.  We stop at one of those sample ladies, she starts telling us about the growth hormones in milk and we start chatting.  The next thing I know Hubby (who is an extremely chatty person) was talking to this lady all about God and she was eating it up like sponge.  She had recently starting going to church and basically said “you were meant to be here today, God sent you.”  Here I was with a negative heart, tired and grumpy and I wanted to go home and God was using my sweet husband to reach this woman’s heart.  She looked at me and said “you are so beautiful, your skin is radiating.”  I felt nothing like that, but her spirit was so kind and sweet, and even before we left she reiterated to me how she thought I was beautiful.  Thank you Lord, I needed that.

Sunday.  No headache, no stomach ache, we are on a roll.  I got out into the yard and did some weeding, moved some branches Hubby cut down and some friends showed up.  They helped us with some yard work, brought us beautiful tomato and pepper plants for us to put in the ground.  Then… my biggest temptation, it was time to barbecue.  Listen up, my husband is the WORLDS BEST BARBECUE man!  I am not joking, he really should try out for some kind of competition, he just has it down.  He slow cooks everything over indirect heat, he has a pan of water for steam, he uses real mesquite wood to barbecue with, and everything comes out juicy and tender.  AH, I’m starving. 😉  Our friends brought fish and freshly caught oysters to throw on the grill, seafood is one of my favorites!  There I was alone in the kitchen preparing this lovely fish for them, getting truffle butter melted down with garlic to coat the fish with, the smells were intoxicating!  Once the oysters were on, they wanted butter to dip the beauties in, so it was up to me again to prepare that for them.  My gracious attitude was starting to fade.  I was upset, I was hungry and I wanted just a bite of what they were eating.  I prepared a couple portobello mushrooms for myself, we’ve fried them up before and they taste just like meat, so I was thinking this would work perfect.  I added lemon, lime and garlic and it came off the grill, I sat down alone and took the first bite, it was burnt and nasty tasting, nothing like meat.   My selfishness was starting to show, I could feel it welling up inside of me “but THEY get to eat!”  It wasn’t about them, it’s about me and my desire to follow through with something.  To finish something.

Later I started to really crave nuts.  I thought, I did this fast for a week with nuts and by this time I was feeling wonderful, why not add nuts in?  I truly gave it to God “Can I add nuts Lord?”  A little while later I felt in my heart that I needed to finish this thing just as I started it.  It’s not about comfort, it’s not about pleasure, it’s about faith.   Faith that God will be faithful to me and heal my body with this fast, faith that Jesus fasted 40 days and was tempted by Satan himself and still didn’t give up, faith that I can finish this fast with grace and maybe some joy.  It is easy to give up, the hard part is actually sticking with what you start.

This morning was another hard one.  Hubby is doing very poorly with his back, he has no health insurance and no job and with one income we just can’t afford to send him to a doctor that wants $200-$800 upfront for a visit.  I held that on my shoulders almost all day, guilty that I have health insurance sitting unused.  Worry about an issue with the car and then I cut my finger chopping my morning juice veggies.  The home phone we just got isn’t working and of course they will want money if the issue is on the inside of the house, Lord let it not be an expense to us!  As Terri Clark once said “I’m an emotional girl” I finally broke down a few hours ago in the bathroom and cried.  I couldn’t help it, that’s just the way God made me, a bit overly emotional.

Two sources today reminded me of this verse Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I was then led to read about Jesus fasting for 40 days in Matthew 4:2-4 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.  But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.  Then in verse 11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.  Jesus quoted scripture to the devil and he could not argue with that and then he LEFT Jesus.  I love that.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!

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So thanks to the suggestion of my blogger friend who writes under the blog A Real Food Lover (Please check her out by the way) I am not doing a 30 day fast but a 40 day fast.  Why 40 days? Well it was brought to my attention that God uses 40 a lot in the Bible, it’s one of his numbers.  Just a quick google search (what did we do without google!?) I found a great site talking about 40 in the bible, read it here but here are some of my favorites.

Significance of 40 in the Bible (all info here is from http://www.40day.com/40_in_the_bible.html):

  • It rained for 40 days and 40 nights when God wanted to cleanse the world and start over.
    (Gen 7:12 KJV) And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
  • Moses was on the mountain with God for 40 days (TWICE)
    (Exo 24:18 KJV) And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.
  • The Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness, one year for each day they explored the Promised Land.
    (Exo 16:35 KJV) And the children of Israel did eat manna forty years, until they came to a land inhabited; they did eat manna, until they came unto the borders of the land of Canaan.
  • Jonah warned the City of Nineveh they had 40 days until God would overthrow the city. The people repented in those 40 days and God spared the city.
    (Jonah 3:4 and 10 KJV) And Jonah began to enter into the city a day’s journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.
    And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.
  • Jesus fasted for 40 days in the wilderness
    Mat 4:1-2 KJV) Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. {2} And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungered.
  • Jesus was seen in the earth 40 days after His crucifixion
    (Acts 1:3 KJV) To whom also he shewed himself alive after his passion by many infallible proofs, being seen of them forty days, and speaking of the things pertaining to the kingdom of God: .

So obviously 40 is significant to God.  I have some things in my body that need healed, and I believe that God will heal me using his created fruits and vegetables.  I believe that God is faithful and true and he wants to heal his people.

Last time I fasted for a week I ate nuts and seeds.  This time I’m not, just juice and fruit and vegetables.  I do have to confess that I wanted peanut butter SO bad last night, funny thing to crave but I didn’t give in.  I was really tired today, groggy and kind of foggy.  I’m currently working on my second quart of juice for the day and just got back from wonderful walk.  I had so much energy on the walk I was surprised, but near the end I was ready to be done.  Other than that I’m doing well, a bit of hunger pangs but they will go away when I finish the juice.  I still want nuts very badly, but I think it is good to deny our flesh things too.  I pray God works in my life, my body and my spirit in these next 40 days.

 

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Well isn’t God funny sometimes!?  I was sure 100% last week that my time at my job was ending.  That it was time to make a change and I made a move, but nothing has happened.  In fact I prayed, Lord if this is not where you want me to be (the new job I applied for) close that door and make me know that I am supposed to stay.  Boy, Oh Boy, did He answer that prayer for me!

I had the most amazing weekend.  My mental health Friday was exactly what I needed.  Three whole days off of work and a beautiful sunny Oregon weekend ahead of me, it was wonderful!  We got out into the yard, got wet in our creek, played with the dogs and the next door neighbor kids.  I even got a sunburn!  Which I’m quite grateful for actually, it’s been nothing but rain here for months so I’m excited to have red shoulders.

Next thing I know it’s Monday again.  I didn’t give myself enough time to make juice this morning so I figured I’d do that for dinner.  Another beautiful day, it was easy to get on the road and open the sunroof.  I got to work and had some Teeccino in tow.  Teeccino is a coffee alternative, I gave up coffee about a month ago.  My boss walked in and gave me a face, “that looks like you scraped it up off the parking lot.”  I half laughed, was that suppose to be a joke or was he serious?  Later he told the medical assistant the same thing, she replied to him “it’s probably juice, Corri’s been juicing.”  I missed a very interesting Friday, apparently one of our patients (that the doctor knows personally) had begun juicing and had lost 20lb.

Sitting in my office the medical assistant beeps my phone and says “can you come back here please.”  Awesome, called to the “principal’s” office on Monday.  I get back and she and the doc are staring… “uh… what’s up?”  I ask.  “What kind of juicer do you have?”  My boss asked, “A Hurom slow juicer, why?” I respond.  Turns out he’s looking into buying a juicer for the office.  The Medical Assistant told him how much she wanted to start, then the patient on Friday and now he learns Hubby and I have been at it for a month, it was the perfect “storm.”  My boss is great in the fact that he wants us all to be healthy, he gives us extra time during the day (paid I might add) to go for a jog or a walk or to a gym to workout.  He’s an Orthopedic doc so he’s into fitness.  Anyway, he saw it as a way to help us, add some health to our lives and I’m sure it’s a tax write off too.  He asked me to go with him to Sur La Table at lunch to look with him.

Come lunch time, we head over.  I tell him about Hubby and my journey, he tells me about the patient who lost 20lb.  We get to the store and the only juicer there is the Hurom.  I tell him all about it, how it works even the sales person came up and asked me if I had a job! LOL  I guess I was doing a good job selling the product. 😉  When you love something, you love it, I guess it showed.  He bought it for the office!!  I am giddy!  I ran to the store picked up some produce and came back and made everyone juice.  Now I don’t have to stress myself out if I didn’t make juice for the day before heading home!

I never did hear from that job I applied for.  Then my boss bought a juicer for us… I heard the answer to my prayer loud and clear.

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The past few weeks have been really rough at my job.  Before I go on, I must say I am such a blessed woman to have a job, to have a good job and I am grateful for my job.  I like to say how grateful I am about my job because I certainly don’t want God thinking I am ungrateful, I couldn’t make it without my job!  That being said, my job is draining me to the core of my being.  I don’t want to go into too many personal details but the issues are 50% my boss and 50% rude ungrateful people, not to mention that I loathe having to drive two hours a day to come to my job.

My mom used to always say “God makes you uncomfortable when it’s time to move” I have no idea where that saying comes from, but it does seem to ring true in my life.  I am really starting to feel uncomfortable in my job, when I wake up I am starting to think “there has to be some kind of reason to call in sick,” this is never a good sign.  I understand ups and downs.  We have had them here, some how I just feel like this time is different, like maybe this is the time to really move on.

Yesterday after a particularly rough mental day at work I started looking at the jobs on craigslist.  I do this a lot, my husband is in desperate need of work in our small town so I frequently check to see if there are new postings, but yesterday something happened… a job came up that could be perfect for me.  This job is in our small town, I could ACTUALLY walk to work!  This could save us a ton on gas each month, not to mention insurance because my daily commute would be like a mile, if I drive.  Two issues stand in my way.   The first is the job is in the dental field and I have been in medical for 11 years.  The second is there was no pay listed on the ad, and I have pretty specific needs in this area because I am the main bread winner currently.

I sent off my resume and a cover letter via email with my specific pay requirements and I prayed the whole way home.  God knows my specific needs, he knows where I will be next week or in a year from now.  He knows how much our mortgage is and how much we need for utilities.  Yet there is this part of me that wants to hold on to all control and believe I can do it all myself, I can’t.  It seems that losing control is one of my worst fears, and yet something God wants us to do.  He wants our trust and faith, he wants control to lead us to beautiful things he has planned for us.  But in all I do it seems the lesson that comes out of it is that I want to be in control.  There is a constant power struggle, and I always lose.

I am sure God is here whispering to me “Corri, let it go.  I have you!”  The song from JJ Heller listed above is one of my favorites because of how much it relates to my desire for constant control.  It is in fact time I let it go.  To trust in God’s divine plan for my life and trust that no matter if this job comes or I stay at my current one, I am resting softly and peacefully in the loving hands of my creator.

I’m taking a mental health day Friday, to recoup from all the stress around me the past few weeks here, to spend some time laughing instead of pulling my hair out, to hang out with a friend and his cute daughter, to kiss her as much as she lets me! 🙂  I need a day away from my job to de-stress, to remember how much I am blessed and how sweet this life can be sometimes.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 

 

 

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