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Posts Tagged ‘John’

I’m going to open my vulnerable door for a moment to share something quite personal and well, embarrassing.  I am a quitter.  There I said it and I guess it wasn’t so scary to say.  What I think is scary is the change that has to occur to stop being a quitter.  Yep, I want to quit being a quitter.  This is me, below… the quitter.  If I put a face with this post it makes it real, I can’t hide anymore and that is an important thing, in changing this behavior, I believe.

This part of me has been around since I was a child.  I quit dance team, I quit cheer-leading (even though we won a trophy), I quit track, volleyball, softball.  I really won’t bore you with the entire list of things in my life I have quit but let me tell you it is extensive.  I often wish that at some point in my growing up period my Mom would have forced me to finish something I started.  I wonder if that would have changed something in me?  However, it didn’t happen that way and I am a 30 year old woman who can no longer put the blame of her life in the hands of someone else.  If I am a quitter, that is because I have allowed this to continue in my life.  Hopefully this post is the beginning of the end of that Corri.

This all came to an emotional head last night.  We live in a small town outside of Portland, Oregon.  I’m an Oregon girl through and through.  I grew up in Portland and we just don’t get snow in the city.  So it’s a foreign thing, but always fun.  Well this week we got clobbered, a foot and a half.  Yes, that is clobbered to us here, don’t laugh.  The weight of the heavy wet snow snapped a limb off a tree in our yard, as well as our hedges.  The snow was so heavy they were leaning over to the side about ready to fall over.  So hubby (who is a go getter) and I went out to try to remedy the situation.  We removed the snow from the bushes then propped it up with boards so that hopefully, the hedge would continue to grow upward.  During the process I was cold and wet.  My hands were getting cut (it felt like) from the frozen snow on the boards.  I couldn’t separate the boards that were frozen together.  I would have rather just quit and gone inside.  And apparently my attitude showed that.  “I can’t” flowed out of my mouth like water.  Over and over, “I can’t.”  Well it actually turns out that I could, and did help to get this done, but it left a taste in Hubby’s mouth that he didn’t like.  I think the worst thing for a go-getter is a “I Can’t” person.

After a long conversation where it became PAINFULLY obvious that I have a problem with being too negative and “I can’t” but that attitude also made me feel like I couldn’t do things so just quit and move on.  I laugh at quitters on tv (Ice Road Truckers is a favorite) but I am just like them.  I don’t pull out that “fight for it” mentality.  I got to thinking about all the things in life I start and quit.  Here is a short list: Books (I love to start but rarely finish), Knitting, Exercise, Cleaning projects, Writing, Bills, Arts and Crafts etc.  So last night after a bit of thinking and praying I came up with a solution to some of the smaller problems I have.  If I start a knitting project or a book or something like this, I am requiring myself to touch it at LEAST one time a week until it is finished.  I will start using my calendar to write down when I read or when I knitted.  I will plan out a day to make soap (etc) so that these things don’t sit unused and money wasted.

The bigger stuff is harder.  When something becomes too hard it’s just my nature to give up.  This morning on my way to work I was thinking about this.  I thought of John 19:30, Jesus, our savior, was up on the cross after being beat, tortured, mocked, and spit on.  First off he asked God to forgive the people because they know not what they do, but then he says in John 19:30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.  IT IS FINISHED.  What if Jesus didn’t finish?  What if Jesus said ” you know what? You people don’t even care, you are ungrateful and  uncaring and I don’t care anymore. I’m getting myself down off this cross and you all can figure it out for yourselves.”  But that isn’t the way it went down because if it was, we wouldn’t have any chance of salvation, because everyone sins and we have all fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).  His pure love for us and his desire to be with us forever was so great that he was willing to be killed at the hands of his creation to save it.  While that same creation mocked him, told him to prove himself and come off the cross, gambled for his clothes, stuck a crown of thorns into his skin, forced him to carry his own cross, and then nailed him to it through his skin, he stuck it out and asked God to forgive them.  I mean if anything was going to make someone quit, that would be it.  He could have too… he could have got down off that cross and stopped everything from happening to save his own flesh, but Jesus was more than flesh.  And yet there he hung, for the sins of everyone who will just accept him, no fancy prayers to say a zillion times a day, no works to get to heaven, HE paid the price and he didn’t give up on us even though we hated him.  He finished.  His last words were “It is finished.”  Wow talk about powerful.  As a follower of Christ I should be able to finish too, just because of his example.

So who am I to be a quitter?  Not to mention that having a positive attitude about things in general help positive things to happen to you.  And I’m not talking about the hocus pocus stuff that The Secret tries to lie about.  I’m talking about a positive attitude that things will turn out ok, because ultimately God is in control and when he says we go, we go.  So I want to be a finisher, just like my savior was.  It is time for me to grow up and get strong and start finishing things that I start.  When things get hard, I find a way to keep going, I dig down deep to find that extra push to keep my legs moving, or my arm swinging, or my body working.  I truly want to hear “well done” when I stand in front of Jesus and a quitter won’t hear that.  Pray for me, please.  The power and strength of God will help me through, because that is where strength truly comes from.  Lift me up in prayer and hold me accountable.  I want to be a finisher.

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Matthew 10:22 packs a punch, “And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake,”  but then a bit of peace comes from Jesus: “but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. ”  Who wants to be hated just because they believe in Jesus?  But this does seem to be the case most of the time doesn’t it?  Have you ever had someone use your belief in Christ against you?  As if this is a bad thing?  Christ preached love, to love those who hate you, to turn your cheek when someone hits you, why would he be hated so much?  I suspect because he was the son of the living God, because everything he spoke was truth and evil hates truth.

This seems to be the case in my life right now.  I am being called out because I am a Christian by family.  My husband is being called out for being a Christian by friends.  Things like “where is your Christian forgiveness?” and “Christians molested and raped kids.”  These things are hard to hear, we are being treated like horrible people for loving God and believing in Christ’s truth.  I never thought it would “happen to me” but here it is, plain as day and as hurtful as a knife cut.  How does one get through these times in life?  The word of God.

I have been feeling a lot of pull to read some books from people who have amazing strength and faith.  A while back I read Corrie Ten Boom‘s The Hiding Place, it is an amazing book about God’s faithfulness in the most horrible place on earth, a Nazi concentration camp.  God provided medicine that would not run out, he protected her bible though MANY searches by Nazi guards, how she was released from the concentration camp after a clerical error, which she knew was God’s providence just a week before all the woman of her age were killed .  She also watched her sister die and learned of her elderly father’s death in concentration camps, all for helping God’s people to hide from the horrible things happening to them.  Corrie Ten Boom’s faith is AMAZING!  I wish I could have half that faith.  I have started reading Tramp For The Lord also by Corrie Ten Boom.  She is confronted after a talk she gave by a guard that she remembered from the concentration camp, this guard came up to her and told her that he was a guard at the camp Corrie and her sister were held at, also the camp where her sister lost her earthly life.  When the guard told her he had become a Christian since then and asked her to forgive him, she couldn’t.  She stood there frozen and had to pray for God to release her heart from being so angry.  Finally with that prayer she was able to forgive him.  Can you imagine it!?  Forgiving something so horrible, but that is what we are called to do.  I guess that is why Jesus told us:  Bless them that curse you, and pray for them who despitefully use you. Luke 6:28

So when we are hated we should rejoice, we are making the enemy squirm.  Jesus told us this would happen.  Why would we not be persecuted if our savior was?  So rejoice family in Christ!  Even when you want to cry.

If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.  If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.  Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.  John 15:18-20

God is faithful until the end, and will over see justice, we just have to wait a bit for it.  When I’ve been weak I just pray out loud and command in the name of Jesus for any evil to leave.  There is a power in speaking the words of God remember: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 Things that “feel” like they are coming from this world aren’t.  We aren’t fighting a physical battle but a spiritual one.  And God prevails in the end and we will see our Savior coming in the clouds, once and for all.  Amen!  So let the hate come, let the persecution come, will it be easy? no.  But with God all things are possible, and he promised if we endure until the end, we will be saved.

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