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Posts Tagged ‘Satan’

I wish you could see me now, I wish I could show you how I’m not who I was.  I used to be mad at you  A little on the hurt side too  But I’m not who I was, I found my way around to forgiving you Some time ago But I never got to tell you so.  I found us in a photograph I saw me and I had to laugh You know, I’m not who I was” –Brandon Heath

The words above are words to a song by Brandon Heath called I’m Not Who I was.  It’s a fairy popular song on contemporary Christian radio, but it really strikes a chord in my life.  See friendships have always been very important to me, they are deeply rooted relationships I don’t take lightly.  When I started dating Hubby, it wasn’t a popular decision in my group of friends or even my family.  I don’t like conflict so it became a huge weight on me during those years.  One of my best friends actually wrote me a “Dear John” email to end our friendship because of him.  I was heart-broken!  All I wanted was for everyone to get along, why couldn’t everyone see in Hubby what I saw?  Why would a friend end a very personal, very deep and long friendship over my choice in a boyfriend?  Why would it cause so much conflict with my family and why would I go months without speaking to my own Mom?

Sometimes we have to wait for answers in life… mine have finally come.  See after my last failed boyfriend (yes, I’ve had several) my Mom asked me if I had ever asked God to approve a boyfriend.  A strange request at the time to me, but I thought I hadn’t been doing my best on my own so why not.  I did.  When I met Hubby, I asked God and waited.  I remember the day I heard “yes,” I remember like it was yesterday, what I was doing, what I was watching… So I went forward with the relationship having no idea what was coming next.  I suppose when we are doing God’s will in life, Satan hates that and throws as many road blocks at us.  I’m actually surprised I managed through all of them.  There were times I would just cry and cry not understanding why we were the focus of so much gossip and drama.  My heart ached.

When I got the “Dear John” email from Alecia, it hurt deeper than anything I’d gone through.  Boyfriends sure, they come and go right? But friendships are supposed to last forever.  She had been with me through some of the darkest, hardest parts of my life and all of a sudden because of who I chose to date she no longer wanted to be my friend?  I was hurt and angry for a very long time.  I tried to be “Facebook friends” with her but that back fired when everyone in my family was invited to her wedding, everyone but me of course.  Now in all fairness she was marrying my sister-in-law’s brother, but that also made it worse!  I wrote her a note saying how I couldn’t be a distant viewer of her life and I wished her well and deleted her, and later deleted my whole Facebook account.

From time to time she passes my mind.  What is she doing?  How is she?  Is she happy?  What is new in her world?  Does she think of me?  No matter how much time passes, friendships are friendships and she made a lasting impression on my life.  Today I randomly searched her name and saw her Facebook photo, it looks like she and her husband now have a baby.  Then I go to thinking about this Brandon Heath song, and the lyrics really hit my heart… I’m not who I was.  The friendship was not meant to survive because of who God has been working to change me into.  She no longer fits into my life, as well as the other friends I lost during those years.  God was slowly removing the people from my life that were not going to be fitting anymore, and as painful as it was for me then, it helps me now.  She also isn’t who she use to be and at this point we probably wouldn’t have much in common anymore.  I didn’t understand why I went through all of that, but today I have a better grip on why God allowed some friends to leave and some to stay.  For example, one of my DEAREST friends in the world, Erin (Hi Erin!).  She and I used to be pretty different.  There were a few years in middle school I thought she was stuck up and didn’t want to be her friend.  But God knew what we would be going through in life and he allowed us to stay together and become close friends.  She is now the only friend I call when I have issues with my marriage or something I need a good solid Christian woman’s opinion about.  She has replaced that missing piece that I lost with some of those friends, and in such a better way!  I am blessed to have her as a friend.

As God transforms my life it is nice to be able to look back and see where I came from, and yes sometime reminisce about old friends and old paths.  But I am grateful for the path I am on.  I wish those who have left my life nothing but God’s grace and love.  I am good with them being gone now, they don’t fit in my life.  I’ve forgiven them and that has healed my heart a lot.  I am grateful I am not longer who I was, I am so much better now!

Colossians 3:13

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When you are on the right path, Satan can’t stand it.  The Bible clearly says For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places Ephesians 6:12.  Although it seems to our living-in-this-world self that everything is purely physical, there truly is a battle going on around us, and this weekend I felt the struggle of the battle.

First off if you don’t know I am doing a 40 day juice fast.  Today is day 6…ugh not even a week yet!  Saturday I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day.  I was up for a couple of hours, did some dishes, made juice and was sitting down with Hubby to drink some, when all of a sudden I get this horrible headache out of nowhere.  Then I get this over whelming sensation of nausea and I start to feel a bit dizzy.  My first thought was “did the juice just do this to me?”  I told Hubby how I was feeling and he suggested I lay down.  Now just so you know I’m still very much a kid when it comes to “laying down” it’s like punishment!  LOL I don’t know why, but I don’t take naps well either.   But after a few minutes of trying to fight it, I went quietly to lay down.  Hubby came to check on me several times and all I could do was respond how horribly I felt.  My big dog Jack came and laid next to me and I was all warm and snugly, finally I fell asleep.  I woke up a bit later to Hubby laying down next to me and fell asleep again.  Virtually I slept most of Saturday away.  I later figured out it was probably detox symptoms.  Either way, when you don’t feel good generally you want to eat.  My comfort food is macaroni and cheese, I grew up on Kraft what can I say!? I wanted so badly to just quit the stupid fast and feel better by eating something “solid.”  Truth is I wouldn’t have felt better in the long run, I knew that deep inside.

After the day of napping, we were out of sweet produce (apples, pineapple, tomatoes) and needed to head to the store.  I was feeling better so we loaded up the dogs in the van for a “ride” and headed to the store.  I was weak and tired, I just wanted to get in and get out.  Sometimes God‘s plans don’t match up to ours.  We got out of the produce section, here is where I tell you Hubby is not doing the fast with me, and head over to grab something in the dairy section for Hubby.  He has a bad back which is hurting and naturally doesn’t want to force himself while feeling bad to do the fast.  I can’t say I blame him.  We stop at one of those sample ladies, she starts telling us about the growth hormones in milk and we start chatting.  The next thing I know Hubby (who is an extremely chatty person) was talking to this lady all about God and she was eating it up like sponge.  She had recently starting going to church and basically said “you were meant to be here today, God sent you.”  Here I was with a negative heart, tired and grumpy and I wanted to go home and God was using my sweet husband to reach this woman’s heart.  She looked at me and said “you are so beautiful, your skin is radiating.”  I felt nothing like that, but her spirit was so kind and sweet, and even before we left she reiterated to me how she thought I was beautiful.  Thank you Lord, I needed that.

Sunday.  No headache, no stomach ache, we are on a roll.  I got out into the yard and did some weeding, moved some branches Hubby cut down and some friends showed up.  They helped us with some yard work, brought us beautiful tomato and pepper plants for us to put in the ground.  Then… my biggest temptation, it was time to barbecue.  Listen up, my husband is the WORLDS BEST BARBECUE man!  I am not joking, he really should try out for some kind of competition, he just has it down.  He slow cooks everything over indirect heat, he has a pan of water for steam, he uses real mesquite wood to barbecue with, and everything comes out juicy and tender.  AH, I’m starving. 😉  Our friends brought fish and freshly caught oysters to throw on the grill, seafood is one of my favorites!  There I was alone in the kitchen preparing this lovely fish for them, getting truffle butter melted down with garlic to coat the fish with, the smells were intoxicating!  Once the oysters were on, they wanted butter to dip the beauties in, so it was up to me again to prepare that for them.  My gracious attitude was starting to fade.  I was upset, I was hungry and I wanted just a bite of what they were eating.  I prepared a couple portobello mushrooms for myself, we’ve fried them up before and they taste just like meat, so I was thinking this would work perfect.  I added lemon, lime and garlic and it came off the grill, I sat down alone and took the first bite, it was burnt and nasty tasting, nothing like meat.   My selfishness was starting to show, I could feel it welling up inside of me “but THEY get to eat!”  It wasn’t about them, it’s about me and my desire to follow through with something.  To finish something.

Later I started to really crave nuts.  I thought, I did this fast for a week with nuts and by this time I was feeling wonderful, why not add nuts in?  I truly gave it to God “Can I add nuts Lord?”  A little while later I felt in my heart that I needed to finish this thing just as I started it.  It’s not about comfort, it’s not about pleasure, it’s about faith.   Faith that God will be faithful to me and heal my body with this fast, faith that Jesus fasted 40 days and was tempted by Satan himself and still didn’t give up, faith that I can finish this fast with grace and maybe some joy.  It is easy to give up, the hard part is actually sticking with what you start.

This morning was another hard one.  Hubby is doing very poorly with his back, he has no health insurance and no job and with one income we just can’t afford to send him to a doctor that wants $200-$800 upfront for a visit.  I held that on my shoulders almost all day, guilty that I have health insurance sitting unused.  Worry about an issue with the car and then I cut my finger chopping my morning juice veggies.  The home phone we just got isn’t working and of course they will want money if the issue is on the inside of the house, Lord let it not be an expense to us!  As Terri Clark once said “I’m an emotional girl” I finally broke down a few hours ago in the bathroom and cried.  I couldn’t help it, that’s just the way God made me, a bit overly emotional.

Two sources today reminded me of this verse Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I was then led to read about Jesus fasting for 40 days in Matthew 4:2-4 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.  But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.  Then in verse 11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.  Jesus quoted scripture to the devil and he could not argue with that and then he LEFT Jesus.  I love that.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!

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Hebalism & God

When my journey into natural medicine started I was like anyone else who was STARVING for information.  I read book after book, I joined herbal groups, found internet paid groups to be part of, I even found a local herbalist to take me on herbal walks.  I was constantly looking down at all the plants trying to identify them and find their uses.  It was an amazing time in my life, so new and fresh.  People would start to ask me, what herb would you use for this or that and it would get me into my books or on to the web to ask my new herbal friends.  I was in heaven.

When you are new at things you take the advice of the more advanced people who are giving you knowledge.  You don’t question them, just like a college student wouldn’t question their professor, because OBVIOUSLY these people have much more knowledge than you do.  I, now do not believe that previous statement.  Every human is faulty, every human can be lead to an incorrect path.  In fact most Christian’s who go away to a secular college lose their faith, why?  Because they are taught by those “all knowing” professors that they “evolved” from a monkey.  And usually when people put that much money into something, you can’t doubt it, or why did you pay for it in the first place?  This same concept happens in the herbal world, and it happened to me.

I joined a online group, you paid so much a month to be able to see the forums and chat with the owners and have special lessons and you had access to a ton of herbalists.  I was doing a program also with a local herbalist and was paying her monthly.  In no time I was picking up every book that she suggested, oh how I loved Amazon for that!  I remember very clearly when an herbalist (both in books and the online group) said to leave a gift for Mother Earth when you take an herb.  So ingrained in this new world it didn’t even occur to me how wrong this really is.  Then I was given a book about Shamanism, and once I started to read it, again I felt like this was how the herbal world worked.  Ugh! Why didn’t I question these things!?  It was starting to get carried away, I felt that I could call the “spirits” of the Earth just in the same way the Shamans did, and how interesting this book was.  Now I realize they were calling on the spirits of Satan, not “the earth.”   Slowly though God started pulling me out of it.  Verses like Romans 1:25 (Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshiped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.) and Genesis 1:29 (And God said, Behold, I have given you every plant bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, which has seed in its fruit; to you it shall be for food.) became very important in my walk.  I was being woken up to the deception that I was under, and it became so much more clear that God created it all and I don’t have to leave God a gift for taking an herb he made for us, in fact God is the one that truly gave US the gift.  Now when I read a book that says that ginkgo is a prehistoric plant, I rejoice that it was around when the dinosaurs were but not MILLIONS of years ago, but pre-flood.  I am not afraid to cross out a part in a book about evolution and write over it “GOD.”

So when I tell people about an herb that can heal them, comfrey is one of my favorites, or skullcap to help them sleep, I can rejoice in God’s creation that he gave to us.  He thought of everything, even the seeds of Apples contain a cyanide that will kill the protein around cancer cells.  He knew what we would face and before we spit in his face by listening to Satan’s lies, he still thought of  us and the suffering we would go through and provided a way to make it easier.  That is amazing love!  So if you pick up white willow bark instead of aspirin (btw aspirin was originally made from white willow bark) praise your Creator for making herbs to help and heal us, enjoy that cup of tea and bask in his ultimate forgiveness.

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